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Nina Roesner – The Respect Hour

April 4, 2019 @ 11:00 am - 12:00 pm CDT

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An event every month that begins at 11:00 am on day First of the month, repeating until November 7, 2019

Author of:
12 Truths to Change Your Marriage: A Respect Dare Journey 

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Interview Transcript

Note: transcript was automatically generated by YouTube, so there may be typographical, gramattical and spelling errors.

Shalom and welcome to this edition of revealing the truth where we cover the headlines the heart lines and biblical truth I’m your host messianic rabbi Erik Walker during an era where many marriages are marked by conflict even within the church couples get a steady stream of messages like seek your own happiness or life is too short to live in an unhappy marriage some couples give up their fight only to find a next relationship is no different than the one they left our next guest says this unending cycle is not only wearing some it’s physically emotionally financially and spiritually exhausting many of the conflicts and relationships begin with misunderstanding and are based on lies she explains others she says are based on misguided expectations about roles and responsibilities within a marriage in her new book 12 truth to change your marriage Nina Rosen explains the differences between a feminist version or doing marriage and what she calls the complementary and complementarian approach she offers a third idea a Howlett aryan approach the bible teaches the women are equal to men neither genders better or less than the other there are differences between the genders differences between people and therefore differences between marriages nina Rosener is the executive director of greater impact ministries a christian training organization with more than twenty years of the communications and training industry and having coached executives managers individuals wives church staff and pastors all over the country as a professional speaker for women’s group and the developer of daughters of Sarah and the respect there she has seen hundreds of marriages positively impacted by understanding and the application of the biblical concept of respect nina writes consistently about family life and our identity in Christ on her blog she’s been married to her husband Jim since 1991 and they have three wonderful children and she is with us as our featured guest on the first Thursday of every month at 11 o’clock to host the respect hour with Nina Rosen or the author of 12 truths to change your marriage welcome to this edition of the respect there and you are the feature well I hope that we can make God the feature today rabbi Walker it’s great to be back well is wonderful to have you and we are just delighted marriage is complicated and it has its complications role models the dysfunctionality we grow up around and we’re seeing some really startling and and I’m and I’m just gonna give you some statistics as of 2016 both marriage rates and divorce rates in the United States are decreasing recent studies show that Millennials are choosing to wait longer to get married and staying married longer and are the main driver and the decline of both a marriage and the divorce rates that’s good the marriage rate in the United States is currently six point eight per 1000 the divorce rate in the United States is 3.2 per 1000 that says of the latest data of 2014 this is known as the crude divorce rate although useful for describing changes in divorce rates over time the crude divorce rate does not provide accurate information the percentage of first marriages that end in divorce which typically is talked about a 50% of first marriages and 50% of second marriages now the u.s. divorce rate per thousand women is sixteen point nine many experts feel this is a much more accurate measure of true divorce rate than the crude rate but Russia leads the world in divorce Belorussia Gibraltar and then the United States in divorce with the lowest is my home country of Hungary which is amazing because my Hungarian father but to understand the magnitude of this every 13 seconds there is one divorce in America that equates to 277 divorces per hour 6646 divorces per day 46,500 23 divorces per week and two million four hundred nineteen thousand divorces per year that means there are nine divorces in the time it takes for a couple to recite their vows too much yeah too many more than five hundred fifty-four divorces a court during your typical romantic comedy movie within two hour periods when you start looking at it like that the median duration of first marriages then in divorced men 7.8 years women 7.9 years second marriages 7.3 years for a man 6.8 years for a woman these are the statistics of who has the highest divorce rate dancers 43% bartenders 38.4 massage therapists 38.2 gaming cage workers I didn’t know we had people working cages 34.6 gaming service but the ones with the lowest divorce rate farmers podiatrists clergy optometrists and agricultural engineers and agricultural engineers is the lowest 1.78 percent so if you are an Ag major you have a much higher chance of a successful marriage divorce rate in the military very high divorce rate among US Navy SEALs is 90% yeah these are really staggering numbers and a staggering commentary that that it we know it’s bad we hear about it we I mean there’s billboards $299 a drive through divorce states are going to no-fault so that they can just get get done I just don’t understand it yeah it’s it’s really sad my daughter’s best friend they’re her parents ended up divorcing recently and it it’s just gut-wrenching to watch and it’s expensive you know those numbers for the cheap divorces are usually for the no content or divorces that are not contested you know where nobody’s arguing back you’re saying or contestant sorry I want to do this differently that’s where it’s easily divided if there is such a thing but you know the average cost in the United States is between fifteen and twenty five thousand dollars that’s just the average cost of that I mean when you see divorces that run into the $200,000 range because if you tally up you know cost of loss cost of new housing yet see what you have two people that can financially support or one you know a home that runs you know one of those and then you have to think about two of those so you have an increase in your expenses and a lot of times you get less for your house when you sell it then you would if you didn’t have to sell it as and most people want to just unload the thing so they’re not getting financially what things are worth and it rips their kids in half unfortunately to the research is in on conflict and worse and homes filled with conflict are actually more damaging the children bad divorce but divorce is also damaging to children and of course divorce is an outcome of conflict and so you know what you see with kids is you see a reprieve of the stress of the constant conflict and that’s why divorce is a little bit less stressful on children but it’s still a gut-wrenching lifelong impactful negative experience for kids and the people involved and the parents because what they had in that marriage that was it’s difficult and unresolvable that will usually show up in their next relationships because they haven’t worked through this stuff to get to what’s causing them to interact in a way where they’re expecting their spouse to behave a certain way and the the spouse is that either of them aren’t getting the communication skills that they need the relationship skills that they need to have something that works in the first place you know having me their boundaries respecting themselves respecting their spouse it’s just it’s not there and we wanted to better it we’re Christian we need to you know when you look at the one of the most highly contributing factors to the divorce rate is infidelity and 16 percent of marriages experience one or both spouses involved in infidelity one at 20 percent men 13 percent women demographically 16 percent white 22% black 13% Hispanic age wise 18 to 34 11 percent 35 to 64 17 percent and over 65 18 percent yeah now I’m over 65 I’m not married I’m not dating I’m not talking to the only female voices my dog and my daughter and my granddaughter and my mother that’s that’s it but these are highly contributing factors and people know that and sin is rampant and pastors are falling and people of respected positions and high positions are stepping out of their corporate roles because of infidelity within their corporations and you know Paul’s admonition to shun all appearance of wrongdoing means a man don’t ever be left alone in a room with a woman a minister never ever ever counseled never ever put yourself in position actually I’ve been like the Old Testament scholar in residence at a Methodist Church for over 12 years which is kind of a comical but the pastor who brought me in as a spirit-filled and he’s on my board and so he brought me in and and he’s long been gone and moved on to higher positions within the church they’ve had new pastors but I’ve always been there signs rabbis office this way where I was classed this way and I’ve been there for many many years and so the chapel is what is like my domain the chapel seats about 120 people and which I hold classes there twice a week and it’s kind of like my space I don’t have a congregation but they’re kind of the ones that come out to hear me all the time and so when you walk into the building you would think that the real light switch right there by where the main door is but there’s not you have to walk all the way through all the way down the center aisle around a huge railing that is between the steps up to the pulpit to the pulpit you have to walk all the way around it in the dark to get to the light switch which is on the back wall and I thought to myself this is by far the worst designed building I’ve ever been in until I thought about it and I said if the pastor is the one to close up he has to wait for everybody else to leave before he can turn the lights off if he has an evening event and I’m always there at night and so this is just recently a couple of months ago it occurred to me that somebody wanted to stay around and talk to me and I said no I’ve got to get you you have to be at the door for me to turn the lights out because it goes pitch black now I’ve been walking this in the dark for 12 years I know my way you have to live the leave well if he can’t be with me fine and so it’s like it was a way to push everybody out the door they’re in their cars or in the parking lot before you turn out the light and then you navigate in the dark and I think you know it’s actually pastoral II brilliant to have done it that way now it’s really a hassle but it means that I’m not gonna get cornered or stuck being put in a compromised position because I have to tell everybody and my line is I can’t miss you if you don’t leave that’s that’s what I tell people hey I can’t miss if you don’t leave and so that’s how I get them out the door but but I can see where people are putting compromise compromising positions all the time and they don’t know how to extract themself from it yeah and so not getting in to them in the first place like you do yeah so one of the boundaries we need to have for ourselves is that we’re not going to be in a situation where that can occur and it seems like kind of a unreasonable boundary for ourselves but if we’re in a marriage that’s hurting or even if we’re not you know sometimes that other person may just look to us for comfort or information help whatever yeah just someone to complain to about their own relational situation and then we find in its hormonal a basedgod wired us to be able to get this thing called limerence and fall in love basically is what it and was labeled also but you know if you have the abilities to successfully breed with somebody and you sit in proximity with them what happens is those pheromones start communicating and then you start having feelings that you didn’t plan on so that’s dangerous it’s just really smart to have some boundaries for ourselves in our relationships early on when I got assigned to a kind of a mentoring couple Deacon couple to you know kind of keep me on the straight and narrow as a young believer because you know young 44 years old but but you know knowing nothing about New Testament behaviors and and how was how it was would be any different one night I was dinner at their home and they were talking about their marriage and the wife said yeah I went to work in the he had a he was a chiropractor he had his own practice and she took a job and she said that there was a young man that paid a lot of attention to her and she found herself liking it and she came home and she said to her husband I need to tell you something there’s a man at work who has been really nice to me and flattering and and I have to confess I liked it and we need to do something about it that I don’t do something about it do I need to quit my job what what what do we need to do many said well we need to go or deacons we need to take this to the rabbi and see what he recommends how we go through counseling but I was astonished that she had the integrity to point out to her husband and to make this confession which is very difficult to make that that she had the character the strength of character being filled with the Holy Spirit – that’s that’s not a usual situation no it really isn’t you hardly ever see that and I have a friend that something similar happened to her and she she came to me and she’s like I don’t know what to do with this and I said well have you talked to your husband she said I can’t because he will get really really upset really insecure it I love my husband I don’t I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t know what to do with this at all and so I said well let’s pray about this together and so we did and then I asked her I said what can you put in place to prevent you from spending time alone with this person and she she thought through that and it was pretty easy she just altered a few of the places that they met night I told her about the biology aspect to it because she was surprised that she could be having these feelings when she still was wildly loving her husband you know it made no sense start and I think she was wise in not telling him because in her situation he would not have reacted to that well and he was having a hard time at work having some insecurities and that would have just added to that and we we were able to walk through that and she was able to over time and it took some time because those pheromones have to die down but they did and she was able to keep her job but I have another person who left her job because she could not get that under control and she had to have meetings one-on-one with this person and you know she was just like I just I can’t work here and so she took action that way but you know we have to do something to protect our marriages our marriage needs boundaries and we need boundaries and it can be surprising to people when they start feeling that attraction to somebody else and it’s all biology and it has nothing to do with their temptations and all of that kind of thing usually so you know we know the large contributing factors to the erosion of a marriage infidelity certainly is one of them a man working harder to win the heart of the woman he loves then he does to keep the heart of the woman he loves it’s kind of like I have the trophy I won I played in the tournament right and now I can just settle in and I don’t have to do anything and now everything’s gonna become routine and it should never be routine but they don’t know that it’s not supposed to be that way they don’t really grasp it which is unfortunate so when we look at the contributing factors to the erosion of a marriage and this is your experience area this is your counseling area that’s this is your part of the respect there and the rebuilding of marriages we first have to understand what causes the erosion before we can start figuring out a plan to rebuild so what would you consider be the top five factors that contribute to the erosion of a marriage I think you’re spot on with affairs being one of them definitely definitely a thing there’s addictions yes yeah if you have someone who’s addicted to alcohol drugs sometimes pornography addiction will fit into that category the other big contributor is financial disagreement so when you have somebody that’s a spender and the other person is a saver and they can’t work through those conversations conversations about money are often very very touchy and then you look at a lot of I saw something last week about how a lot of marriages are sexless but yeah two to three months will go by before intimacy is occurring and you know that’s a sharp contrast to what it was in the beginning and the thing about those hormones also is if you don’t use them you lose them so or if you’re using them in the wrong space you know with pornography viewing and and that’s becoming an issue for women as well rolls there’s another one now where it’s not clear who does what and then there’s a lot of conflict around that as a simple communication strategies will help people work through some of that stuff but we don’t even know that I think we’re uneducated in terms of where the conflicts are going to come and that is I think probably you know in all of those conflict itself over no matter what it’s unresolved and work through held grudges that are held in that you know that’s the end that’s the beginning of the end basically when you have that amount of conflict in relationship now I don’t know about you but you look at how people fail to do conflict well and it’s just it’s really sad you know we we we’re not taught that and we’re not taught that temptation is normal we’re not taught how to deal with that so it’s just a hot mess I was going to tell you – I am the affairs are a big deal but I’ve also seen marriages that have gone through infidelity that have decided both parties have been like okay we’re going to make this work and they come out of that stronger because the process of rebuilding trust is if you’ll suffer through that and it is a suffering through people can turn marriages around and have an even deeper bond but it takes both people being wildly committed to that process and you know dealing with what caused the opportunity and the acting upon the opportunity in the first place those things have to be dealt with and I think one of the newer factors is it’s becoming more prevalent is love is being used as a weapon there’s more narcissism there’s more residual playing out of unresolved problems that occurred in youth so there’s unforgiveness and then the parents are now deceased so you can’t really reconcile with them you can’t go blow up at them for what they did or have anybody else to talk to maybe your siblings experienced the same thing maybe they didn’t maybe you can talk to them maybe you can’t but in my own experience love was a weapon it was an absolute weapon and it was used and wielded as a as a sword it was it was and it was destructive and it was demoralizing if it got it it broke any sense of intimacy it broke any there was there was nothing and because it was narcissistic and because it was a moving target that it didn’t matter whether or not you did every everything yeah it did it just didn’t matter there’s no way to be perfect even if you were perfect there’d still be something wrong with the person exactly exactly and and and so fortunately people talk to me when they go through that because they know I experienced I’ve been vocal about it and and said listen I counseled couples from a position of knowledge of experience of knowing exactly what they were going through but until I had biblical grounds and this would be today I would look at it as biblical grounds at the time I did not I was very rigid and what I consider be a standard until I went to a counselor who specialized in pastoral counseling and looked at me said three days into your marriage you had biblical grounds he said you’re and you’re 15 years later and nothing changed from day three that you described to me you had I said why I was young believer two years in the Lord I knew nothing I you know I thought it was like one thing it was either infidelity or was nothing and I had to go through it so fortunately I’m well on the other side of it and now can comfort and give words of comfort and encouragement because I released it all and it was like so freeing and so liberating and would have been much greater to have had that reconciliation but it’s impossible in in in in that circumstance it was it was impossible we’re talking with Nina Rosener our featured guest for this hour the host of the respect our on the first Thursday of every month at the 11 o’clock hours she’s the author of the respect there she is the creator of daughters of Sarah and the author 12 truth to change your marriage it is all about expect and it is a two-way street and it’s one to be earned it’ll be given and to be given and then earned and we given unconditionally the same way you give love unconditionally and find a way to bring balance back into a marriage you loved each other enough to marry each other and that person who chose you that today you’re saying is something mentally wrong with them remember they chose you so your criticism is is of their choice as well so maybe it’s time to take inventory and look at what the future you want to have in your marriage as opposed to what the past has been in the past is not a predictor of the future there are many things in life that are but that is not one of them and you have it is never too late to have a happy childhood it’s never too late to repair a relationship with your children and it’s never too late to repair and restore your marriage and that is the message we want to leave you with today we’re take a short break and when we come back we’re and talk about some specific steps that you can take to restore your marriage we’ll be right back the Lord meets you right where you are and sodas ignite Ignatians new live streaming outlets you can now watch revealing the truth revealing the Bible and prophecy 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great work there in the Cincinnati area and really all over with women and couples and marriages and counseling and it’s really a gift that you have for bringing different perspective to respect and understanding what the Scriptures are actually saying so here we are we’re faced with this kind of conundrum we’re at a crossroads marriage is at the point where it’s it’s failing its frailing and it’s fragile and you’re bright and encourage that just come on guys we can do this the steps we can take to restore this and it’s actually a good thing that all this has come out because now we can take it and we can address each one of these things and can we just agree that if we can knock off this list of 10 things and get bring resolution to them that you would have at the end of this would you agree that if you got those resolved you would look at your marriage and say we’ve got a good marriage and if they say yes then you head down the path yeah and the thing that really really matters is how do we resolve differences so that we’re not carrying around a list of wrongs so that we’re not bitter and resentful and so how do we deal with our own hurts and all of that and yeah so I just did a marriage retreat this weekend in Knoxville Tennessee and the couples came in asked them you know what’s and I didn’t I said don’t tell me what it is right at some place where your spouse can’t see it and I just want to know one word what are you feeling about your marriage right now and then at the end of it after we went through all of this process and the basics of rebuilding I said okay let’s do the word again how are you feeling now about your marriage just one word and I want to hear that one I don’t want to hear the other one I wanna hear this one and it was amazing every single person their hand shot up and they had positive things to say everybody that was there 100% and words like hopeful and encouraged and committed and excited and skilled and feel braver you know those kinds of words were showing up and I just find that wildly encouraging because if we if we we don’t do our greater impact doesn’t deal with this stuff in a way that most people do where we coach and we’re very positive forward movements based and I’m not saying we sweep everything under the carpet no no no no we we help people learn to deal with their differences in their values conflicts in a way that works and lays a really healthy solid ground a foundation to rebuild the trust because you have to change the environment and rebuild the trust any of the conflicts that we’ve been through that have resulted in further hurt has been damaging the trust that’s there and so that is really what we teach people to do is how to rebuild the trust in your experience do you find that men are kind of clueless as to the power that their words said carelessly have negatively and how much what they say about their wives in jest or in offhand slight really does it’s a sledgehammer it’s not it’s not a ball-peen hammer it’s it’s enough to destroy a marriage to deflate the the self-worth of a spouse they think it’s funny they think it’s it you know they are very loose in what would you call it jovial criticism well yeah men are interesting you know in terms of how they interact and connect with each other yeah they’ll do they’ll bond through fighting and arguing and making you know remarks they’ll poke fun at each other of that kind of thing my son told me that he knew that he was accepted by his Boy Scout troop when they made fun of him I’m like I don’t get that but okay the thing you said about words and cutting remarks and being a sledgehammer at that is spot-on and it’s not just men both genders wildly wound each other it’s like squeezing a tube of toothpaste once that stuff’s out there you cannot put it back and the damage is done and it erodes trust and all those things feel like a little betrayal and so it’s one thing for like if I if I burn the roast you know it’s one thing for me to make a smartie comment about my roast you know or something like that and it’s quite another for my husband to do that right and in marriage we want to not do those things to each other teasing is okay if there’s a lot of trust in the marriage if there’s not then yeah you know when I was at Dale Carnegie we told people this is fifteen twenty years twenty years ago we were telling people don’t use sarcasm in your relationships yes it’s a sign of extreme wit and brilliance but only when it’s not at someone else’s expense so you can do whatever you want politically your quick wits but don’t ever point it at your spouse speaking or others because it damages those relationships so what that’s actually one of the things that we teach people in rebuilding their relationship is to give the relationship fewer things to have to work through we actually recommend that they stop talking so much that they they get some more friends they know the 2:00 in the morning friends that you could call if you’re in trouble or something but they spend more of their verbal activity with the friend and friends should be of the same gender you know the same thing we were talking about last hour but it’s not spent if they’ll talk more to those people and allow some healing space in their marriage saying fewer words and being careful and intentional about that then they’ll have the opportunity to create a different environment and it’s done very slowly over time and there’s a lot of setbacks with it because people aren’t perfect but we found that that’s actually the first step is really just stop talking so much get some friends work your verbal stuff there for a while and allow silence to become something that helps heal kind of like resting an ankle if you twist it while running you shouldn’t go run on it you should let it heal so that’s a first step we have dr. Gary Chapman were just incredibly blessed as to how many times he’s been on with us and we consider him a friend of the program he has been just so gracious and and here’s a man that can talk to anybody at any time and and any network and and and graces are set many times there is an importance to understanding how your spouse expresses love and how they receive look and we overlooked that fundamental principle and we just say well you know I’m still with you you know do you love me well I’m still I’m still with you aren’t I there’s no comfort there’s no love there’s no romance there’s nothing in that answer that is endearing in any way shape or form and men have such horrible role models because if you’re too soft then you’re effeminate if you’re too strong you’re – you’re chauvinist and a macho Anna and then there’s a balance there’s it needs to be a balance on both sides of the equation we’ve never been at more of an identity crisis for male and female today than we’ve ever been the days of Archie Bunker you know peril by comparison to what’s going on today it’s it’s just a whole different world so if I were to look at my marriage and the litmus test for me would be how can I measure what would be the simplest thing I could do to assess just look at my marriage and say I’ll scale one to ten our marriage is a right yeah so dr. John Gottman Etta University of Washington has actually researched what healthy couples do and you know what looks like and he’s got this data and so there’s 20 positive interactions for every one negative in a healthy couple now here’s the one that you hear a lot let’s misquote it because they this seems more doable but this actually applies to conflict only in conflict there’s five positive interactions for every one negative and so healthy couples generate a ton of positivity in their relationships and then on top of that when they are in conflict they’re gentle with each other and they’re still very positive during those interactions and that requires us to lay down our pride and to really listen to the other person and allow the Jesus that’s in us to interact with them instead of our own flesh and that’s only possible to the extent that we know him and then we spend time with him and and that’s another thing that we tell couples in terms of rebuilding their marriage is that you’re going to be able to do this to the extent that you know Christ so if you don’t know him very well get on your knees spend time with the word and then go do because we’re not just supposed to read and know we’re supposed to learn and do which allows the Holy Spirit to interact within our lives and then we become different people and that’s really the point you know Jesus and Jesus interacting that makes a healthy marriage mean interacting and not so much because I’m selfish and so is the person I married and that’s just a human nature could it easily be as simple as me looking at the scriptures that says love is patient and me saying to myself am i patient love is kind am I am i cutting my kind it does not envy am i envious it does not boast it’s not proud it’s not rude it’s not self-seeking it’s not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs it does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth it always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres lover love never fails could it be just that simple that I look at my interactions with my spouse and I asked myself am i loving patiently or am i allowing all the pressures of the world to say that this is my sanctuary and a place I can explode no it’s not a sanctuary and a bomb shelter are two entirely different things yeah I like that last analogy because what happens is we think well I should be able to be myself with this person you don’t want to be yourself we do not want to be who we really are with the people that value us the most we want to be gentle and kind and allow Jesus to interact with them and we don’t know how to do that Whitney is fruits of the spirit or love joy peace patience kindness gentleness goodness faithfulness and self-control there were none of those things that’s the spirit and we can’t love but God is love how do we love well we don’t love well when I’m not saying human beings don’t love I’ve been an atheist so I know what it’s love to be as an atheist and I know what it’s like to love as a follower of Christ and they’re two different things it yeah so one of the things that we do is we take people through a process where they learn how to deal with their own negative Omo so that they can get that out of the way and interact with the person in the way that well let Jesus interact with them the Jesus in them and and that changes everything and it used to take me three or four days sometimes depending on how big of a thing this was emotionally and it’s usually tied to some kind of trigger from a childhood wounding now I’ve got it let down to like 17 seconds in the middle of a conversation I can connect with God work through that thing see what’s true and then interact in a way that brings him glory and it’s not easy and it takes time but you’re absolutely right those are that we are to love and that’s what that looks like and it’s not easy and that’s why we need each other to walk through this stuff and learn how to do it yesterday I had a situation I’m involved in a I’m trying to help my daughter out with something she’s going through she lives out of state and there’s an attorney involved and it were getting a place for her to live there’s a journey involved and I got an email from the attorney that says call me and puts the phone number well I’m kind of the background that says if you get a email from your attorney you pick up the phone call your attorney mm-hmm I called there and I said I’m calling for so-and-so and and they said well she’s on call and I said well I’m responding to a kind of a sense of urgency here call me and so oh she’s off right now oh she says she’s not available ouch and I said IIIi don’t understand if she’s not available why didn’t she tell me to call her and she III just don’t get it and she said well she just sent me a note that said that she’ll be available for clock for you to call her at 4 o’clock I said no I’ve I’ve done my calling I said she can call me at 4 o’clock I know that I will take the call and so I got a note from her saying that she felt that the way I handled it was discourteous and I said I come from 45 years in a world that says if somebody says call me and they put their phone number and it doesn’t say call me or set up a time to call me or I need to speak with you call me at convenience when it says call me and there’s a phone number that is a setup for a critical situation I said and I’m gonna turn it back on you and say to you you created this you created this false sense of urgency now I’m sorry if I spoke to your person any way shape or form but I want to let you know okay well you’re dealing with me I’m gonna tell you it began with your email which set a tone of urgency and therefore it was responded in kind if it wasn’t an urgent matter then frame it but but while I was in a hurry yes that okay right that is what that’s our communications so you know yes did I get a little testy I did get a little testy and I apologized said no that’s not that that’s but but let me but let me also play back to you okay if you say call me if my daughter says call me I stop what I’m doing I call her if my 93 old mother says call me I call if my attorney my attorney says call me that’s like there’s a couple of top-level calls and that’s communication and I think that’s really what the critical key is if we find out what the code words and the code expressions and we kind of do the Wiley coyote pull the the the fuse out of the lit dynamite before it explodes and learn how to do that and repair these marriages we’ve been talking with Nina Rosener author of 12 truths to change your marriage she is the host of the respect hour and the creator of the respect dare the she has a series of books this new one is a respect their journey for wives into how to kind of learn the truth about respect in marriage and then is very active in counseling sessions and workshops with families and churches and you can find her online at what gets the best places greater impact greater impact org greater impact dot o-r-g well we paint it but we have run out of time and it’s always a pleasure to be with you and I look forward to seeing you next month same time same Channel right here on on revealing the truth and the respect hour god bless you my friend same to you rabbi Walker have a great rest of your day thank you we’re gonna take a short break and when we come back we’ll bring you the next edition of revealing the truth

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